Addiction, Pain, Mothers and Shame

“Flicking through FB and it disgusts me how many put on their profile work as ‘proud mummy’ yes that’s right for most of us but the few that put it on there don’t even deserve to have pets to look after, it gets right up my nose that they had children removed just like the so called daughter of mine that has had nearly 5 years to change for her boys goes on to have another baby, to again do the same thing with the same scum, well I’ve had enough here’s the PROUD MUMMY’S that had their children removed because they chose DRUGS or MEN over their beautiful children and they are all oblivious that they have done wrong, feel free to share my post”

This post then included 6 young women’s photos, looking vulnerable, one only in her underwear and most, under the influence of drugs. Only one of the girls in the photos published was the author of the above quotes daughter.

Now, I cannot judge anyone and I won’t. But as I think about this statement and the fact that it was published on social media literally ‘naming and shaming’ the most vulnerable women, who are in need of care. I feel I should offer my perspective, as the child of addicts and the woman who has witnessed recovery.

I’m not going to go in to detail because I simply do not have the energy, but just want to share a few important points, addiction is not a choice and women who are addicted to drugs rarely make any “choice”…. Addiction does not allow for any kind of rational choice!

The pain a mother feels when she has children and is suffering from addiction is like no other pain! I have seen that pain, and felt that pain. That pain is real and I am sure, dealing with that pain was too much in my own life experience which led to years and years more drug use! I have also experienced a drug addicted mother, close to my family, suicide because of her guilt of addiction and being a mother. I am almost certain that shame, stigma and societies responses to her also played a part in her ending her life, shortly after she was released from prison. I was about 10 years old and she left behind two daughters.

As a child of addicts, shame, embarrassment and victimisation were daily occurrences. I feel that the above quote which is very inappropriate has been written to highlight the fact that there are children who have ‘lost’ their mothers and that the children suffer. Let me tell you, posting images of women on facebook and calling them scum, druggies and a waste of space, is putting their children at even more risk of harm, victimisation and discrimination! Is really is not hard to realise that, is it? I know, I was one of them kids!

My sister contacted the mother of one of the girls whose image was posted on FB and shared our dad’s story of recovery with her. Hope, belief and support are key to change! Shaming those poor women’s photos on Facebook will do absolutely nothing to help them, nothing at all! Following the conversation I managed to speak to L who is homeless/sofa surfing and a mother suffering from addiction (I asked her if this was ok to share, and she gave me her consent). She is in her mid 20s with a whole life ahead of her, unsafe on the streets or being abused by an older man where she sometimes has to stay to get off the streets.

I met with her and have spoken to her daily over the past few days, and her mum and nan! She has called me twice just for a ‘chat’!

I simply cannot imagine how anyone thinks that shaming these young women is ok!

L is beautiful, hurt, sad, angry, vulnerable but young and able to recover. Recover with support, kindness and compassion.

I have created a just giving page to raise £500 to provide L with immediate support such as winter clothes, boots, a coat, sleeping bag, blankets, tent, toiletries and food supplies. I will personally buy the items and I know L needs them and will be delighted to see that not everybody thinks that she is ‘scum’ ‘a waste of space’ and should be ‘sterilised’

If you can, please consider using the link below to Support me in Supporting L over the winter

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